I'm used to be on my own

I'm used to be on my own. When I'm sick, I take care of myself. When I'm happy, I kept my happiness to myself. When I'm sad, depressed, lonely, anxious, down etc. I always deal with whatever feeling myself. Sometimes, I did show what I felt or what happen to me, just to see if anyone care. But most of the time, it's all secret that not even a single soul know about them. There was times that I'm feeling so down and depressed, mix emotion to the point that I want to just give it all up. But luckily, I don't. I bounced back. I always did. It might take few hours, or weeks, but I always found a way to pull myself back from the dark side. Can't deny it, that sometime, I do afraid that maybe sometime, I couldn't find a way to get up and give in. And that time, I wish I have someone who can pull me out. And now that I have someone that I should count on, I terrified by their presence. I'm so used be on my own. I'm doing everything by myself. So the question always wander on my mind. 'If I let him in, if I let him take care of me, if I put my trust on him to always pull me out, what if I'm used to have him then? And one day, he's no longer with me or one day he's grow tired of me and vanish from my life. What would happen to me? Would i remember how to pull myself again?'

"Everyone change..."

"Everyone change..."

Someone said it to me. I remember it clearly. A bit few minutes after 12am 1st January 2013. At that time, I don't completely understand what was she trying to say by that. Well, at that time, I'm pretty naive and faith in humanity still high..(hehehe) Anyway, she kind of important person for me. So I try to understand her reason. Her words keep wandering in my head. Quite sometimes to be honest. Until I can finally understand. Or at least, agree to that statement even tho she might means the different thing than mine. It is true. Everyone does change. It's pretty simple. Who you are today might not the same you yesterday, or last year or 5 years ago. Deny it as much as you can. But we did change. The real question is not whether we change or not? The exact question is, why did we change?  The answer might be different for everyone. Some might change because of what they've been through. Some might change just to fit in. And follow by numerous other reasons. But one thing for sure and be the reason for all of us to change at the some point in our life is simply because we grow up. Changes is a part of growing up. Just like how we can't avoid growing up, we also can't avoid the change. Big change or small change, it's different with everyone. Good or bad, I guess we are the one to decide.