Unbearable

I don't know how to start.....
It's just got to me that making fun of what people feel when you're not in their shoes is really something that truly cruel and unacceptable behavior even though you mean to be joking.

Two days ago, I've been hospitalized for suspected appendix. It was only for a night (for some reason). But the pain that I felt is just..... something that I never felt before. I'm actually proud to admit that I'm someone who really can bear a lots types of pain. But that one is a kind of pain that I can't bear where I really wish that I can just dig my hand into my stomach and take out whatever that cause the pain and still live after that. I even beg for some morphine from doctor to reduce the pain. And when the pain really did gets better, the next day, I even pretend that I don't have any pain at all anymore.(No one knows about it. Just tell it here because I know that no one bother to read this) That's the reason why I only stay at hospital for a night.

There are some reason why I don't want to stay longer by the way. I actually have exams going on next week. If I tell the truth, that's mean, I'll be operated and stay longer and might just miss my paper. Seconds reason is I really don't want to be a burden to anyone. People might said "It's alright", but we never know what they really feel inside. Can't deny it that there might be people that really willing to help but there will always people that only willing in their mouth. Third reason is, I don't want to add spice to my family crisis. My family actually in the middle of crisis this time. When I'm actually fighting with the unbearable pain my big sis did said something that could hurt me more. But I think it's better to ignored it because I understand what she felt at the moment.  I know she didn't think with her complete sane mind at the moment (even though she deny it). We always said "Think before you act". But when something occur to us, we hardly even remember what's our philosophy was. Kinda amazed with myself because I don't immediately take it into heart, I guess I really did grown up. Hehehe.

Anyway, the pain is actually still there. It come on and off but bearable. I promise to myself that I'll hold it as much as I can bear. But I kinda not sure if the pain is real or it just my stomach trauma of the pain. I means, there is not impossible for my stomach to remember the pain. Whatever it is, I'll check it up when I back to Sarawak.